Dads, Talk to Your Sons About Porn

My first experience with pornography was in the seventh grade.  A friend down the street had two magazines hidden in behind the air vent in his bedroom.  He instantly became the coolest kid in the neighborhood.  Everyone wanted to hang out at his house.  “So what do you want to do today? We could play basketball, watch Saved by The Bell reruns… or… uhhh…. look at your nudie magazines.”  His house was the place to be.  Next, I found my own stash… that’s right the typical story, me and some buddies found a couple of Playboys in the woods (why does this make sense?), I fought hard to retain the rights to them and then I stashed them in the shop behind my house.  My next big step was another friend found his dad’s secret stash of videos.  For some reason watching porn seemed like crossing a line to me, and it was difficult to ask my friend to watch them, but I was so caught up in it that I did anyway.

Perhaps you have a similar story, maybe you don’t, but I think probably my story is pretty typical.  Most teenage boys have some sort of experience with pornography.  Now imagine that I didn’t have to go to my friends house, hope that he was home, and ask him to look at his mags.  Imagine that I didn’t have to make up a lame excuse, sneak out to the shop behind my house, and look at porn sitting next to a huge toolbox and a miter saw.  Imagine that I didn’t have to muster the courage to ask my buddy to come over and watch porn at his house and that we didn’t have to wait for his parents to leave home.  Imagine that in the comfort of my own room I can look at porn, anytime, at the simple click of a mouse.  I imagine that my curiosity about porn, would have turned into an addiction quickly.  I could have fed my habit constantly and instantly.  Your son is living in that kind of world.  He doesn’t need to find magazines in the woods or blush as he asks a friend, he can just boot up his computer and ta-da…  there it is.

I know this is an extremely awkward post encouraging you to have an even more awkward conversation, but it is important.  If you have a teenage boy living in your home and you have internet access, I guarantee you internet porn is something you need to talk about with your son.  If he isn’t looking at it, he has at least thought about it.  I can already hear the excuses, “Brandon, you don’t know my son, he is a good boy, he won’t look at that stuff.”  First, this post is for dads and if you are a man, you know the whole ‘good boys don’t look at porn’ thing is a bunch of crap, so you’re either a mom who is reading this or you’re a delusional dad.  Second, your kid is not good.  The bible teaches us that “all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.”  It says that there is no one good, no not one.  None of us makes the right decision every time and we all are tempted to gratify less than noble desires. Behind closed doors each of us is not what we’d like others to think we are.  Your kid, my kid, you, me we all deal with sin and dropping easy access to watching naked ladies right in your kid’s lap is like asking a six year old not to eat candy and then handing him a snickers bar.  It just doesn’t make sense.

So this is  call to all you dads out there, talk to your son about porn.  Your kid needs to know that its dangerous and that curiosity can quickly lead to a behavior cycle that difficult to break.  Just because most guys are tempted with porn and lust doesn’t mean that we should lower the standard.  Your son will always be tempted to take the next step in sin.  So if looking at internet porn is ok, normal and acceptable, then he’ll be tempted to take the next step; which might be asking his girlfriend to get naked for him, increasing the frequency and intensity of the porn he views, or dozens of other things.  The point is it can be dangerous, and what was once just male curiosity can now quickly turn into a lifestyle.

It will be weird.  It will be awkward.  It will be difficult.  But it could also be life changing.  It could be the conversation that your son is waiting to have.  Dads, talk to your sons about porn.

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